Three Things
The first week of the year started off with renewed energy - I felt a relief that all the holiday festivities were over and that I can focus on new things and new goals! Soon after, however, I completely hit the bottom with so much burnout, trying to juggle motherhood, my day job, my side hustle/passion, my crazy exclusive pumping schedule (which contributes to my chronic sleep deprivation), and just the never ever ever ending to-do list. I was so ready to refresh my list of values, words of the year along with more concrete SMART goals, but decided to chuck some of that aside for this year as I reflected hard on where I want to be during this season of life.
While I plan on mapping out the things I want to create for the year and continue to work on being more comfortable with the business-y side of things, I actually want to take a step back and focus less on the numbers and simply let my business grow in its own organic way. I started off with so many ideas, but now, I just want to focus on three things.
Being Present
The last 3 years, especially with one, then two kids in our lives, my focus has really transitioned to being more present. It’s increasingly important now when my 3yo is such a sponge, soaking up so, so much more of the world and knowledge. A year ago, I would say, he “remembers” some of the things I say, but now he really remembers everything I say and studies my every move. Meanwhile, baby Nathan is slowly (but not slowly at all) creeping up on his 1yo birthday. He is also vying for our attention and curious about all that we’re doing.
My mind can go to so many places so quickly. It is definitely a trait I used to see from my mom (she, sadly, is no longer here), who has been an entrepreneur most of her life. It always upset my brother and me when she wasn’t paying attention to us – especially as adults when we would sit at a cafe with her and see her gazing off into space with who knows what was in her head. I want to actively practice being present for my kids, for Stephen, for everyone I interact with. And yes, I can still use my phone tactfully for the posts and photos and things, but also intentionally putting it aside when I don’t need it.
Connecting
Staying connected has always been so important to me, but it’s become even more top of mind this past year for a number of reasons. To start, our world sucks. So many polarizing thoughts and differences we fight over and pain and suffering…on a human level, there is so much we can all connect on, and I think it’s important to strive for that connection to build a better future. Connection, for me, has meant sitting down with my patients and getting to know them as a person beyond what health condition they’re labeled as. Connection means taking the time to talk to old classmates or other creatives doing amazing things or the strangers who follow me on IG. Connection means reaching out to friends during our busy lives to just say hello. The connections I make in person and the ones I make online have both been so meaningful and fulfilling to me, so I want to continue to nurture those.
Style
The ideas of my products have changed over the years. Before this officially became a “business,” I created designs from whatever interested me at the moment. It wasn’t always cohesive and often a little experimental. Over the last two years, I can see what is appealing, what is not appealing, what is still important to me, what actually sells, and so on. As a tiny biz, it’s of course important to cater to what people like to see, but I also want to continue working on my own style, improve certain graphic design skills and techniques, while still maintaining some kind of cohesion as a “brand.” In other words, I just want to stay creative.
Me
Lastly, my reflections and meltdowns these past weeks have led me to focus on…me. I’ve shared a lot in the past about how I get all these things done, but I realize that I can go to an extreme end sometimes and that has led me to my burnt out self now. If I want to keep this little business going, it makes sense to work in small spurts of 15 minutes here or there, but sometimes, I have to remind myself that I could use those 15 minutes to just do nothing instead. I realize that I’ve been this way for a long time in my life - breaking down in college when I was trying to juggle my nutrition studies in the daytime and my design projects for various clubs at night. I’m no different now. It’s time for me to break that mentality that I need to be able to do everything with the finite amount of time I have.
As a dietitian, I can preach to my patients and others about how to maintain good health, and now I should listen to my own advice. Sleep is so important. Finding time to exercise and ultimately get back to my first passion-dance (I love ballet and modern dance) is another. Eating well is an obvious one. I want to prioritize these areas more, which means that I might not get to doing the xyz task I had on my small business list and that is okay. I want to practice the art of letting go. I want to work on the healthier version of myself to be able to do the rest of the above.
Thanks for reading till the end, friends. We'll see how this year goes.