On motherhood and things

On motherhood and things

My maternity leave has officially started!  It is such a mashup of old, new, and weird feelings. When I was approaching this part of my pregnancy with Emmett, I still felt very much like myself for all my life up until then, which included wanting to get a bunch of things done, but also with a “go with the flow” mentality. At that point, I was designing more and printing more, but not very serious about selling stationery as a real business because I was expecting! And being a new mom, I truly had no idea what was coming for me. 

Then, a brick hit my face that first month postpartum. Well, I shouldn’t say brick. A very lovely cuddly baby named Emmett came along.:) I will skip past all the postpartum ups and downs, save maybe for an unpublished post (or just dig through my old journaling) for another day. Having a child changes your life forever - no matter how much anyone has ever told me this, you just don’t feel it until it really happens. I still wonder to myself where the hell I spent all my free time pre-baby (how dare I ever think I didn’t have time for anything). 

Two plus years later, I’m here and alive! And within those two years, I not only grew one baby, but two! This second one in a business form. To anyone who ask me how I do it, I just say that I try to take advantage of every waking minute I have. Without a doubt, it’s all very tiring. On top of that, I’m trying very hard to push the negative “I’m not doing enough” thoughts aside. 

My second boy is expected to make his appearance in the coming weeks. I am excited to meet him, but oh-so-nervous about how to handle two boys under 3 years, my daytime work, a small business, still hopefully being a good wife (and friend, and daughter, and, and…).  Knowing how hard it was the first time around makes some of this a little dreadful (oh sleepless nights, lemme see if I can embrace you somehow). Everyday these past weeks has been a push-and-pull feeling of “gotta get more things printed and done for business” vs. “i have to give myself grace and time to relax.” And then, there’s the part of me that wants to clean and organize the house as much as I can before it becomes a total mess all over again. And then! There’s the part of me that wants to spend more time with Emmett. Yikes. 

I wanted to write more here about what I want to create, but I think I should just leave it as…It is okay to accomplish just one small thing a day or not accomplish anything at all! I will draft up some goals for when I’m ready to tackle projects again, but I am actively reminding myself the most important thing to keep in mind is the importance of staying present for those most important in my life right now. 

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